Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Hanukkah - Burn Baby Burn!



When Go Bazoodies! reported on the people who refuse to have children due to "saving the environment" (Did You Know Children Are A Burden To Earth's Environment?) well there are nuts everywhere with the neurons in their brains kind of scrambled. However, these nuts are sincere. Real. The believe in their cause and somehow you have to respect them for it - even if you think they are off in the wild blue yonder. They also did not have the backing of a Marketing Manager - someone who is self-serving and trying to make his reputation on another Bazoodie idea.

However, when something is run by a media firm, and you have an advertising plan and market expert involved, the nose says "something is rotten in Denmark". Such is the case with the new great environmental thrust from these absolute fools who decided that lighting one less candle on the Hannukiah (the name for the menorah used to light Hanukkah candles) will help save the environment.

The Jerusalem Post brought this report to the attention of the public:

In a campaign that has spread like wildfire across the Internet, a group of Israeli environmentalists is encouraging Jews around the world to light at least one less candle this Hanukka to help the environment.

The founders of the Green Hanukkia campaign found that every candle that burns completely produces 15 grams of carbon dioxide. If an estimated one million Israeli households light for eight days, they said, it would do significant damage to the atmosphere.

"The campaign calls for Jews around the world to save the last candle and save the planet, so we won't need another miracle," said Liad Ortar, the campaign's cofounder, who runs the Arkada environmental consulting firm and the Ynet Web site's environmental forum. "Global warming is a milestone in human evolution that requires us to rethink how we live our lives, and one of the main paradigms of that is religion and how it fits into the current situation."

Cofounder Tom Wegner, who heads the public relations firm Update Marketing Media, spread the campaign via mass e-mails and through social interaction Web sites like Facebook and Hook.co.il. He said no money had been invested in the campaign, but it had already raised awareness around the world and made people realize that they have to consider the environment this Hanukka....
Yeah sure. And all the people who live in poverty in Africa and don't have electricity and use candles should just live in darkness. And hey, don't forget the thousands of candles lit in churches around the world every day! And oh.... ummm.. How many times has Liad Ortar or Tom Wegner traveled on a plane? A car? Yeah, right! Save the environment!

If I have ever read a total and complete useless piece about some idea which was completely self-serving to those who brought the idea to public attention, it is this one. Maybe Liad and Tom should enter politics - certainly suits their temperament.

Of course, there are fools who fall for this unadulterated bullshit. Because there is a sucker born every minute, and some people need deep therapy.

What is amazing is Hanukkah is a holiday that has roots all the way back to the Roman Empire, and certainly in legend all the way back to Adam and Eve. It is a holiday who has a central core theme, "Chase Away The Darkness". And you know what? I will add "15 grams of carbon dioxide" to the air to renew the hope in our ability to chase away the darkness. Someone should give these environmental "activists" a lesson in non ego-centric activities. But then again, if it was not a self-serving idea, they would not have thought of it.

I could not agree more with the following in the article quoted above:
Rabbi Benny Lau of Jerusalem's Ramban Congregation, who is himself an environmental activist, praised the good intentions of the people behind the campaign. But he said the environmentalists should be trying to reach out to observant Jews instead of running campaigns that turn them away.

"People in the green movement who have an agenda have unfortunately made it anti-religious," Lau said. "This makes religious people think incorrectly that anything environmentalist is against them. The damage ends up being a thousand times the benefit. Tikkun olam [fixing the world] must be done by adding more light and not by adding more darkness."
Some things you just don't mess with. Some things should simply be left alone. Some things well... make my blood boil. Why? Because they are cynical, stupid, ego-centric, self-serving and unadulterated malarkey. Because they attract every fool and idiot. Because the great thinkers of these ideas take a very important and just fight reducing it to their own self worth, fame and ultimately add to their bank account. Some people, by their very nature, simply spread darkness.


Light Those Candles.
Chase Away The Darkness.
Bring More Light To Humanity.



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Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Jason Pollack ... Move Over!

For those of you who are not educated with art, Jason Pollack was an "abstract expressionist" whose works are either the art of a genius that no one can truly understand, or just the mess of an overgrown child playing with paints upon a canvas. However, say what you will, Pollack's paintings garner some incredible prices.

Well, if Pollack could do it so could Freddie W. R. Linsky. One of the great web sites on line, an open gallery for artists, Saatchi Online, started showing his paintings awhile back. Freddie's art was seen and some people liked it - really liked it!

One person in Manchester, UK, an artist and a collector paid £20 for "The Best Loved Elephant". He said he liked the flow and energy of the picture. And then a gallery in Berlin wanted him to showcase Mr.Linsky's talents.

On the site itself there is some interesting information about Freddie. In the "About the Artist" we read of who Freddie is.

Freddie W. R. Linsky paints over and over, making us curious to know what is going on. It seems that one stroke is being repeated - the same stroke or one very close to it, hence the possibility of the infinite opening up of the structure of time.

This repetition perfectly renews the painting itself, as an experience of time, and space too. Identifying with the space of history, Freddie engages in the task of painting European art over-and-over again. Placing periods, movements and centuries into a fragment ironically leads to repetition. Every stroke greatly reinforces the preceding one, and yet wants to be wholly boldly new - that is, distinct to the earlier stroke.

Amid this multiplicity of relativity there is a rendering of effectual quiet between marks; between understatement and apparent furnishing assured tone. This abstract fluctuation links the all-over and focused space.

Given to the linear so that movement enters, the implication that space is mobilized begins to escape the lines as colour is flattened. Thus giving an ambiguity that is the figure and the ground. Yet all show a distinct compression of motif toward the top - that is, they have a right side up.

Reinvesting its grasshopper like strokes and semi-kaleidoscopic pattern, movement directs requisites of pace, direction and discontinuation. This persuades yet another interest in the solidity of time.

The colours are highly artificial; they are really cosmetic, consciously false. They are flirtatious and psychologically associated with ambiguity. This implies that the expression is not to be believed.
Under "Education and Biography" we read:
The artist's whole life has been dedicated to his art.
And under "Future Shows" we read:
Has been shown recently in Boston and West Palm Beach, Florida.
Now certainly we have an interesting artist here. Interest is piqued. So here are images of some of Mr. Linsky's paintings coupled with their descriptions. You judge.


Sunrise
A bold use of colour. Inspired by Monet's plein air habit of painting, drawing on the natural world that surrounds us all.


Homage to Michel Tapie
Paying homage to Michel Tapie, this work employs the 'spot and blotch' tecnique the late French critic wrote about and enjoyed so much. 'Spot and Blotch' was first used by the original members of the American abstract expressionism movement (1950's); but even as relatively new as the tecnique may be, examples of a primitive form of 'spot and blotch' were found in the cave paintings of Lascaux, France.


The Best Loved Elephant
The striking use of oriental caligraphy has the kanji like characters stampeding from the page, showing the new ascent of the East. One of the artist's most experimental works.


The Dance
An unrestrained distortion of colour and form embodying the spirit and animation of dancers. If one looks closely through the mists of the forms and colours it is almost possible to see the couple in Renoir's "Dance of the Bougival" (1883). "I took it as my duty to translate Renoir from French to English."



Leonard III
It is to his friend and mentor, the great American socialite and racounteur or as Freddie Linsky calls him, "That lion amongst men," that he pays tribute. Absorbing the lessons of Japanese art, the cool tones and significant detail are treated with harmony. The artist wanted to express the positive message of his close friend, "People should be able to view this painting every morning when they wake and exclaim, 'This is the happiest day of my life.'" The yellow paint used in this work was specially created by his friend and dubbed 'Leonard Yellow'. "Not since Titian has a single particular colour had such an effect on me. If Titian used blood for his reds then surely sunshine was used for this yellow."


Now all these paintings are sold as Acrylic on Paper or Acrylic and Ink on Paper. But it is clear Mr. Linsky is a talented artist.

Yes Sir! Mr. Freddie W. R. Linsky is a talented artist toddler of the age of two, who is great at making these wonderful paintings. He is also blessed with a mom who knows the art world and has gumption and not least, a great sense of humor! So this two year toddler and his paintings managed to fool the art world over the Internet. I give 10 points to his Mom. You got to love it! Oh you don't believe it? Well here is Mr. Linsky making his incredible works of art.









Looks like one hell of a happy kid. And no two ways about it. Freddie's mom is one great lady. Absolutely amazing isn't it?

Well to get to the original news story click below. To view the art work of Freddie W. R. Linsky and to purchase it, if you so desire, click here for the Saatchi Online Art Galery Offering.

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Monday, December 3, 2007

Wake Up The Dead...Or The Dead May Wake You Up!

It is true that during the middle ages there was a fear that someone would go into a coma and breathing would not be discerned, and pronounced dead and buried - ALIVE! Such an unlucky person may have woken up to discover they were buried alive. Thus began a whole slew of inventions which would be attached to the coffin and end outside the grave. The most prevalent of these seems to have been a string attached to a bell outside the coffin.

Well, in 1891, an inventor named William White thought he could improve on such an invention. It is known as the "ANNUNCIATOR FOR THE SUPPOSED DEAD". This allowed for air to the dead person and the ability for the dead to talk through a makeshift speaking device. Talk about the Twilight Zone! Keep in mind that by 1891 it would have been a very rare occurrence indeed, except from the books of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and his Sherlock Holmes series, that a man would be buried alive by then.

Somehow this invention smacks of the wish of the living that the dead person really did not die. But one never knows with the doctors around today. Hell, if they can operate on the wrong side of the brain in Brain Surgery, they certainly are capable of pronouncing a live person as dead. But for ingenuity, Mr. White in 1891, certainly gets a Bazoodie Award!

Here is part of the beginning of the patent:












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Sunday, December 2, 2007

They Taxed My What???????




Mary Bach of Murrysville, Pa. has taught us all a very important lesson. Pay attention to what you are paying for. Turns out Toilet Paper is a non-taxable item where she comes from. Turns out Kmart was adding sales tax to the Toilet Paper it sold. Do a bit of math. Everyone buys toilet paper, right? I mean hell... it is one of those essentials in life. So imagine how much money Kmart and others like it took in with Sales Tax. Pennies add up right? I wonder if they are going to keep that money or give it to the State or give it to charity?

Anyway, Mary did pay attention to her sales receipts, and she noticed she was being taxed. She took them to court. Big, ole' Kmart she took to court and she won $100 plus court costs. And she gets an award because wanted to settle out of court, but she would have been gagged from saying anything. She wanted people to know that they just cannot tax the toilet paper - and our tushy is safe!

Lesson to be learned:

If you want to protect your tushy - don't throw those receipts away before you go over them! If you don't you may as well as use money for toilet paper!




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Saturday, December 1, 2007

Airport Security Paranoia And Stupidity Strike Again



Some news items are just insane. Others just tell us about insane acts by real stupid people. Well at the Seattle Airport, an honor guard was formed by Seattle Police, Firemen and two soldiers to honor a dead comrade. It is a way of showing respect. A right way.

So in this honor guard are two soldiers from Fort Lewis. After they are done, and the soldiers have to fly back with the body to Virginia, as part of the honor due their dead comrade. Then some yo-yo from airport security decides these soldiers need to be checked out. They have to be cleared. They must be searched!

So they are put through the metal detector and DUH! the detector goes off from the medals the soldiers are wearing. Oh My! Who would have thought?

So the Airport Screening peeps, who of course are made up of incredibly intelligent individuals who know how to defend the world against terrorists, decide it is time for the soldiers to strip, in PUBLIC, down to their underwear. Time to demean two soldiers in an honor guard for their dead comrade I guess.

Anyone else out there see anything wrong with this? Do they hire airport security people based on low IQ? Do they purposely look for fools to do this job? Here is my proposal. Fire the asshole that did this to the soldiers. Or is insanity a prerequisite for the job?



Don't believe it? Click below and read all about this.

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Friday, November 30, 2007

Pity The Fish!

If you are looking for a unique present, almost guaranteed to make you the only one on the block or in the neighborhood to be the first one to own, look no further than this new product on the market, called, "Fish 'N Flush". It is truly a feat of imagination and possibly certain method in madness that came up with this product. The following is the product definition from the web site.

Both fresh water and salt water can be added to our 2.2-gallon aquariums, but live coral should not be used. Fish 'n Flush provides a dual-filter system, making it safe for children. It also provides two nine-inch plastic plants, a fill valve, and a complete flushing system. All you need are water, fish and food.

These acrylic tanks are fully functional, impact resistant and stronger than china. They are completely separate from the toilet tank and are designed to fit directly against the companion tank reservoir.

And this from an article about the product:

The company that makes this bathroom novelty, Aqua One Technologies, says the average do-it yourselfer can install it in five minutes. "On the front part of it is the fish aquarium and on the back side it's a toilet tank, so it's a fully functional fish tank and a fully functional toilet tank," explains Brian Reel of Aqua One.

The first time people see it, they fear the fish are going down the drain along with everything else. While it was designed as a fish tank, Reel says you can put other things in here, too. "If you don't want fish, if you want to make it for scorpions, snakes, lizards..."


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You Stupid Stamp Licker!

When you think about it, licking a stamp does not take all that much work. Some people though seem to dislike licking the back of a stamp, so usually you take a small sponge in water, touch the adhesive to the water, put the stamp on the letter or package, and Voila, you are done! Simple, easy takes all of 3 seconds if you are not coordinated.

But Donald B. Poynter must have really hated licking stamps and was out to make money from it too. So he submitted and was granted Patent #4300473.

A New Stamp Licker!
Abstract

Apparatus for moistening adhesive coatings on postage material and the like which includes an enclosure having a container of liquid therein. A plunger is provided to lift an absorbant applicator from the liquid and pass the applicator through an opening in the side of the enclosure. A closure member for the opening is opened in response to the applicator movement. The applicator may be in the form of a human tongue and the closure may be in the form of a human lip.

SUMMARY OF THE INVENTION

In accordance with the invention, a device for moistening adhesive coatings on stamps and the like is provided. The device includes an enclosure member having an open top liquid container. A spring biased linkage member is pivotally mounted within the enclosure member and biased to a predetermined position. A moistening member is pivotally mounted to the linkage member about an axis substantially parallel to the linkage member's pivotal axis. The moistening member is movable from a first position in which it is disposed in the open top container to a second position in which it is extended outwardly from the enclosure member. A reciprocatingly movable plunger member engages the linkage member to force rotation thereof against the spring bias and to move the moistening member between first and second positions.
Lest you think this invention is not complicated, or just a simple bit of work, here are the diagrams that went along with the patent application.




Now dont you feel stupid licking all those stamps?

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Protection, Music And Moans

There is simply no accounting for the ingenuity of the human race especially when it comes to inventions. Just the mind power and imagination that must have went into thinking up Patent #5163447 is incredible. Well the inventor, Paul Lyons, was issued his patent on Nov 17, 1992. One can only wonder if Durex bought it up!


Abstract:

A force-sensitive sound-playing condom comprising: a condom body (10) having a distal end and a proximal end, and a miniature force-sensitive sound-playing unit (14) attached to the condom at its proximal end. The proximal end of the condom is made in the form of a semirigid rim (12) having a lower part with an opening (16) coinciding with the cavity of the condom, and an upper part extending radially upwardly from the body of the condom and supporting the sound-playing unit (14). The latter contains a chip-controlled piezoelectric sound transducer which plays a melody or voiced message when during intercouse the contacts (28 and 30) of the sound-playing unit (14) are closed and the transducer is activated.

SUMMARY, RAMIFICATION, SCOPE

Thus, it has been shown that the condom of the invention provides a contraceptive combined with an amusing device, i.e., a force-sensitive sound-playing mechanism which is activated by the application of pressure during the use of the condom. The sound-playing condom is sensitive to slight pressure. The music playing unit is supported in such a manner as to not interfere with intercourse. The musical mechanism is protected by being entirely covered with a protective shield. It may have value as a fun gift incorporating other musical compositions of the user's choice according to the occasion, and may have further commercial value being amusing, entertaining, unusual, and capable of producing a surprise effect.

Although the force-sensitive sound-playing condom has been shown and described in the form of one specific embodiment, this embodiment, its parts, materials, and configurations have been given only as examples, and many other modifications of sound-playing condoms are possible. For example, rim 12 and extension 18 may have a shape other than a figure-eight; all components of musical unit 1 4 may be embedded entirely in resilient plastic, leaving only space between contacts 28 and 30 so that all of the contacts, excepting the exposed contacting portions, are embedded and thus maintained in an open state by the resiliency of the embedded mass. The musical units themselves may have different forms, dimensions, and configurations. There may be a range of musical or other sound selections which may be chosen or combined by the user. The rim and base may be reinforced by a wire. Various parts of the musical circuit may assume lateral positions around the rim, i.e., piezoelectric sound transducers may be displaced laterally on one side, while the chip may be arranged on the other side. Similarly, the package itself may take different forms and show a variety of messages. Although in the preferred embodiment shown above, it is a disposable condom, the musical unit may be made in such a way that it can be detached and readily disconnected or connected onto other condoms by means such as adhesive tapes. In that case the package might contain, for example, ten condoms and a single musical unit. A speaker can be used instead of a piezoelectric transducer. The condom will operate in homosexual as well as heterosexual intercourse. In lieu of mechanical contacts 28 and 30, a strain-gauge-type activator or any other type of activator may be employed.

Imagine the possibilities here! On second thought, I rather not!



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Thursday, November 29, 2007

Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness And Can Earn You A Fine

Eighty Eight years old and a widow with 13 grandchildren, Betty Davies, is certainly a lucky woman. Ms. Davies has swept the front steps of her home for 62 years every single day. She wanted it to be clean and nice, and wanted to keep the home looking good and the street looking clean and kept. Right out of a Normal Rockwell painting (though she resides in the UK.)



Well, turns out sweeping those leaves off the steps and on to the ground is a big no-no. Turns out it is against the law! Well that sure got everyone up in arms. Against the law? Talk about city civic-mindedness gone wild! In the end, of course an apology was forthcoming.A Cardiff council spokesman abruptly apolgized by saying:

We apologise for the comments made to Mrs Davies.

We want to assure people we won't fine them for sweeping leaves onto the road from the front of their home.

Wow! Isn't that a gas! People can sweep their steps without fear of being fined. Well, apology or not, the person who warned Betty Davies that sweeping leaves off her front steps is a violation of the law and she can be fined, needs to be given a civics lesson.


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Missing Teen aka Internet Porn Star

A missing teen is not something to take lightly. Actually, it is damn serious. So when 18-year-old Emily Sander went missing it was kind of serious. It still is actually. But as we all know, privacy ends when you disappear and now you have to be found. Which is what happened to Miss Sander. Turns out she was leading life as an Internet Porn Star named Zoey Zane. So the plot thickens and now the detectives must find out what really happened in the case of the Missing Porn Star aka Emily Sander.



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